


Roses are Red (Hiatus)

by KinKitagawa



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Angst, Anorexia, Anxiety, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Depression, Drug Use, Eventual Smut, Hidden Talents, Kinda Dark Kuroko, M/M, Minor Original Character(s), Music, No Kuroko x OC tho, Original Songs, Overprotective GOM, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Harm, Theft, alcohol use
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-18
Updated: 2017-04-19
Packaged: 2018-09-25 08:15:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 9
Words: 8,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9810932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KinKitagawa/pseuds/KinKitagawa
Summary: Some could say Kuroko leads a double life. In everyone else's eyes, he is a polite, somewhat emotionless phantom who  specializes in magical passes. But he is far from emotionless. Known as Shadow11 on Youtube, he's a famous and anonymous singer who is able to put anyone who listens to his emotional voice under a spell. But as an artist, you can't write emotional songs without having gone through something emotional yourself. And Kuroko's past is anything but normal.Who would have known that one, small little mess up would lead to so many secrets being spilled?





	1. Roses are Red

**Author's Note:**

> Claire really wanted to write a KnB angst fic, so as Master Rias's homework (He's the best writer out of all of us, tbh) He told her to write Kuroko as a character who embodies everyone in our little online family.  
> So fucking cheesy, but I loved it.  
> Claire's scarily good at writing dark angst, so this'll be interesting to read  
> I hope she actually pastes this note Im writing here.  
> -Kin

-Prologue-

Heels clicked across the floor as a petite, scantily clad, light blue haired woman paced back and forth in her kitchen. Behind her, a black haired man in an old, ratty sweatshirt and ripped track pants stood in one place.... but he was shaking. Shaking a lot.

"H-he'll be h-here a-any moment.... Sayoko, we're so damn short on cash.."

"Haven't you searched the house?" The woman screeched, throwing her hands up into the air. The man scowled. "Of c-course I have!"

"Did you ask Tetsuya? He hangs out with rich kids, he's gotta have money."

"I-I did that too. It to-took a few p-punches before h-he g-gave up some hundreds. Apparently th-that money was g-going to a-a gift f-for a f-friend-"

"Who cares about his friends! If we don't pay this damn bitch, he'll kill us. You know it."

"W-We are FIFTY THOUSAND Yen short, S-Sayako!"

"If worst comes to worst, I'll try to seduce him. It worked on that one dealer before, so i'm sure it could work again"

"Mother?"

A squeaky voice sounded from behind the kitchen door, which was steadily being opened. A small boy covered in bruises peeked out into the kitchen. He was wearing basketball attire, and carrying a bag under his arm. "I-I have to go somewhere... is it okay-"

SLAP

"Do you WANT us in prison?" The woman shouted. "You look like a fucking blueberry with all those bruises! Room, now!"

*BAM BAM*

"Dammit!" Kuroko Sayoko smoothed out her short, black dress and fluffed her hair. Her Husband, Kuroko Tatsuo, stiffened immediately upon hearing the door. "Oh God... Oh God oh God oh God..."

Sayoko slowly walked to the door. Upon opening it, two men dressed in black hoodies and jeans were revealed. They smelled strongly of illegal substances, and their eyes emitted fury.

"You guys are a week late on the payment." The first man murmured. Sayoko began walking again, this time jutting out her hips with each step.

"Aw, c'mon now. It was just a bit of molly... after all. I can give you..." She nestled her body close to the first man, wrapping her arms gently around his neck.

"A better payment..."

The room was silent for a few moments. Tetsuya was still lurking behind the door, watching his parents: undetectable, of course.

Suddenley...

A loud crack could be heard.

The first man smiled.

Kuroko Tatsuo began to shake like a volcano.

Tetsuya's eyes grew wide.

As Kuroko Sayoko slumped to the floor, a new red color thoroughly staining her sexy little dress.

"I have enough of that back at HQ." The first man muttered. The second man laughed. "Damn right. We're here for the money. And it wasn't... just a BIT of Molly. That was a fuck ton. Now, you owe us cash. Dish it out or you get the bullet treatment."

Tatsuo panicked. Paper money fell out of his pockets as he dug around, searching for more. Already fully aware that he couldn't pay his dealers, he rushed behind the door, pulling out Tetsuya from his hiding place.

"T-take my son! Sell him, beat him, kill him, I don't care! He's good enough, right!?" He cried, tears streaming from his eyes. The men exchanged glances.

"Damn." The second one cursed. "Thought he was a girl."

Another crack sounded, and Kuroko Tatsuo fell. Tetsuya had been reduced to an unmoving statue.

The first dealer stared at him. "Parents must've made your life a living hell." He whispered. "We'll spare your life, blue. But we'll be taking the car out front as compensation. Oh, and I guess we can sell the organs here. See ya!"

It was too much for Tetsuya to process. It had all happened so fast.

He took out his phone, feeling as if he was on autopilot. He barley knew what he was typing in, before putting his phone away.

"Sorry, can't make it."

"It's personal."

That one evening, and many more painful ones like it, all took place from the moment he was born, up until the middle of his second year at Teiko.

But it wouldn't be until High School when those painful days would finally be bought to the light.


	2. Violets are Blue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been a long time since i've updated. My friend Rias is in holding right now for writing "Trump can suck a deer's ass" on the side of one of his school's buildings, so we've been a little worried.  
> Somehow, he's out without charges.  
> So i'm back :D
> 
> -Claire

"In three weeks..." Coach Riko was smiling like the devil.

"We're having a training camp!"

"Seriously? Hell yeah!" Kagami exclaimed, punching his fist in the air. Everyone on the Seirin team was ecstatic, and the amount of chatter in the room was loud enough for countries far away to hear.

Kuroko, on the other hand, was a little sad. "What are we going to be doing?" He asked. RIko's smile grew even more mischievous.

"I've hooked us up with a few other schools." She murmured evilly. Everybody leaned in closer to hear what she had to say.

"Kaijo, Shuutoku, Touou, Yosen, and Rakuzan will be working with us for a two week long training camp on the beach!"

The blue haired phantom stiffened. This... was not good. Not good at all.

Maybe he shouldn't have... tried to help. If they were still scattered, this training camp wouldn't have happened.

While his team was still screaming and shouting, Kuroko left practice without a trace.

Kuroko hated the cold. When he was younger, his family could never afford heating in their home. But, that night, the cold couldn't even touch him. He was numb. 

If there was anyone he didn't want to see, it was his former teammates. He knew of their skills of observation.

Kuroko knew that his poker face was wavering.

Everything was getting worse.

Even if... they, were gone, they left a scar. A nasty, untreatable wound that would stick with him for the rest of his life. 

Finally, after twenty minutes of slowly wandering the streets of Tokyo, he reached his house.

It still smelled like smoke and perfume, as it always did. The carpets were still ripped, and the the walls still sported bullet holes. But it was home. And no matter how much torture the memories of this house brought him, that would never change.

Kuroko stepped into the Kitchen and opened up the refrigerator. There was a bag of Maji Burger takeout, and a carton of eggs that was almost empty. Kuroko sighed, knowing he would have to go to the store soon.

The only place in the house that had changed at all was Kuroko's own room.

Or, what used to be his parent's room. When they were still alive, Kuroko had lived in the closet.

That room was what Kuroko lived for. He had completely turned it around since his parents's deaths. The walls had been painted a faint teal, and he sold all the items in the room to pay for a new futon. But... that wasn't the reason why he loved the room so much.

In the other corner, a cheap computer with headphones plugged into them laid on a desk. A piano and a ukulele had been set up next to the surface. Kuroko smiled softly looking at them, and he he sat down at the desk.

After that fateful day, Kuroko had broke. He needed some sort of tape to hold him in place.

That was what music was to him.

On the outside, he was an emotionless shell, good for nothing except throwing around a basketball.

But he was so much more.

Five million people, unaware of his true face, knew Kuroko as "Shadow11".

A genius musician with a voice that could mesmerize anyone, and lyrics that could drive anybody to tears. 

"Post soon!"

"Ahg, your hiatus is killing me! We want Shadow!"

The comments on his previous song lit a tiny fire in him. Kuroko usually held only three emotions- sadness, emptiness, and fear. But every time one of those comments sprang forward, he found himself experiencing a fourth emotion: joy. Joy was something he rarely felt. He felt joy when singing. He felt joy when he was at Teiko in his first year. He felt joy when they won against Rakuzan, and when everyone reunited to play that street ball game.

That was it...

But joy sparked motivation. 

Kuroko reached into his book bag, pulling out a large binder. Inside were all the lyrics he had ever wrote. He grabbed a new piece of binder paper, clipping it inside.

He was going to have a long night ahead of him.


	3. Sugar More Bitter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M BACK!!!!  
> Sorry about the break, I hope you guys don't hate me too much.  
> I'm writing this on the 5 hour long bus back from Rias's house on word with no WiFi and limited battery, and i'm running on, like, 3 hours of sleep.  
> Sorry if this is shitty.  
> -Claire

It was Sunday, and like always, Kuroko didn't have anything to do. It seemed as if his teammates forgot about him when he wasn't right under their noses. He still loved them, of course, but it was a little disheartening.

Lying back on his bed, Kuroko stared up at the ceiling, thinking about what he could possibly do. He could write a song? No, he wasn't feeling creative. He could... record a cover? He sang a single note, and already, cringed from the sound of his voice. True, he barely had slept at all that night, and it was bound to take a toll on his voice... but he didn't think it would be that bad.

He could have played basketball, but as he was getting up to grab his beloved ball, he remembered that they had evening practice. Kuroko didn't want to be too tired... after all, it was conditioning day.

In the end, Kuroko decided to take Nigou for a walk, even if he had already planned to later.

His little blue eyed friend was playing with a toy outside his room, and upon seeing his master, he ran towards Kuroko. Kuroko immediately felt guilty for not playing with Nigou at all that day. He knew that Nigou used to live at school, and that he could handle being alone, but it still bothered Kuroko nonetheless. It was already 12:30.

He attached Nigou's long black leash to his collar, and began to walk out the door. He paused, as the nagging pit in his stomach began to growl. "When was the last time I ate...?" Kuroko wondered, his voice soft. He made a mental note to stop by Maji Burger on his way home.

To be honest, ever since he had heard the news about the joint practice, Kuroko had been a mess. His former teammates were onto him. They were catching up with his constant lies. He had used the excuse "Oh, they are on a business trip." So many times it had been programmed into his head. 

His parents never had real jobs, and they weren't even in the city records. To be honest, it was a miracle that they had lived as long as they did.

Their murders were never investigated, which wasn't the police's fault. It was Kuroko's. He didn't want any of it to be brought to the light. As long as his friends never knew, he would be fine.

But... the incident stuck to him like glue. It came back everyday in the from of panic attacks and horrible dreams. Even past experiences when they were still alive clung to his heart-

No. This was no time to think about that. 

He needed to figure out what to do with the training camp.

"Hey, did you hear that new song?"

"From who?"

"Shadow! C'mon, you had to have seen it."

"Oh, you mean 'Black and Blue'? It was so interesting! Reminds me of 'Roses are Red'..."

Kuroko never minded when he overheard talk about him. But he hadn't heard anyone mention 'Roses are Red' in a while.

Roses are Red was the song that first carried him to fame. He had written the song after the incident as a release. Yet... the song wasn't even about the murders. It was about something that broke his heart just as much.

And that scene was just as red.


	4. Than Memories of You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short Chappie, I know. I'll update again very soon!  
> -Claire

"Akashi? This is a surprise."

"A surprise? I see... I should call more often. Anyways, I assume the news of the training camp has reached your ears?"

"Of course. I'm not an idiot."

"Daiki did not know about it, which is why I have been calling around. I am glad to hear that you are up to date."

"Is that all you want to talk about?"

....

"Of course not."

"Well, what do you need?"

"Have you heard anything from Tetsuya in the past month?"

"I haven't heard from him since he was hospitalized in February."

"...What were the last words you heard from him?"

"Hold on... I'm trying to remember exactly... Okay, I think these were the exact words he used. "Please, whatever you do, don't go to my house. Please leave me be. I will talk with you all after I've recovered. But please, don't come and visit after i'm released." 

"Context?"

"None. You really should have been there, Akashi. I'm sure Kuroko would have liked you to visit."

"I was busy. You of all people should know that."

"Fine. On the flip side, those words bothered me for quite some time. I've come to believe that Kuroko is hiding something important."

"I was able to figure out that much."

"Are you worried?"

"I was worried when his life was in danger. I do not have the time to worry about something so trivial.

"You've gotten colder, Akashi."

"Of course. I am stressed. I just called to check up on the training camp and Kuroko's condition. I will be hanging up now-"

"Wait!"

"...Yes?"

"Are you going to investigate Kuroko at all?"

"I will leave that to you."

"Do you even know where he lives?"

"Hm... no. I do not like being in the dark. When you find that, tell me."

"Are you going to be this uncaring even after Kuroko brought us all together?"

"I did not think you cared for him at all... Shintarou."

Midorima flinched at Akashi's voice. "Fine. Goodbye."


	5. I'll Stay as a Shadow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Longer chapter this time! Hooray for effort!  
> btw, is this fic okay so far?  
> Any changes ya'll want?  
> Just comment it and this li'l Fairy Godmother will change it.  
> -Claire

Kuroko knew from the moment he woke up that morning that he wouldn't be going to school.

He had no motivation to get up. No motivation to do anything, really. The light streaming through the window hurt his eyes, but he didn't want to move.

An hour passed.

Like usual, he skipped breakfast. But he usually had something to drink by then. Yet, Kuroko wasn't thirsty.

He felt numb.

His phone suddenly rang, startling Kuroko so bad that he thought he would cry. No one called him anymore. The only people who used to call him were his parents, ordering him to bring down alcohol and whatnot. A few times, he even bought them drugs.

He forgot what the ringtone sounded like. He was used to texts.

It hurt to listen to.

Even when the ringing stopped, images were flashing through Kuroko's head. The screaming over the phone. The fear that someone would hear him. The anxiety of getting his Father's fake ID turned down at the liquor store. The pure terror of the dark, filthy alleyways, and the hooded creatures of the night who inhabited them. The exchange of money and goods that always left Kuroko speechless throughout the interaction, and crying on his way home.

His phone was silent for about ten minutes... but Kuroko didn't count the seconds. He had lost all sense of time.

Instead of ringing, his phone simply beeped, before going silent again. Moving for the first time that day, he feebly clutched his hand in his hand, using all the strength he could muster to flip it open.

It was from Kagami.

"Hey kuroko, were r yu? r yyuo comin late?"

Kuroko's eyes widened. No one except for Akashi had ever been able to detect that he was gone.

His phone beeped again.

"Teres pop qouiz, and im confuzed."

Oh.

That was why.

Disappointed, and a little hurt, Kuroko shut his phone, placing it back on his nightstand. His energy was depleted. He felt tired on a normal basis, but today was cruel. He wanted to go back to sleep. He was so tired...

But sleep never came.

It was afternoon now, and the house phone rang. The ringtone had been changed to one of his songs years ago, so the ringing was tolerable.

Not that he still tried to answer it.

It switched to voicemail.

"Your child is currently absent without excuse. This is the third time this year your child has been absent. Please check in with your child as soon as possible. Seven more absences will result in a meeting with the Principal."

Kuroko closed his eyes, slightly humored. He had been absent at least forty times that year, on occasion only showing up for practice.

No one noticed.

No one would ever notice.

For the first time that day, Kuroko heaved his skeleton frame out of bed. Ever since the Winter Cup, he had been forgetting to eat even more frequently. But he never felt any different. Having eaten or not, he still felt empty.

He changed out of his nightclothes, throwing on a black hoodie and black skinny jeans. He strapped his guitar to his back and left the house.

Whenever he would feel depressed, Kuroko would somehow find the strength to roam the streets of Tokyo, eventually finding himself at his favorite spot: the roof of an abandoned warehouse at the end of an alleyway. 

He hated alleyways. They were dark, and they smelled like his parents. But on that rooftop, looking over the streets, he felt detached from the world.

Sometimes he would bring his basketball, and try to shoot hoops with the hoop he had built back in his third year of middle school. This time, however, he decided to sing away the sadness.

He lifted his guitar out of its case, blocking out the rest of the world. Kuroko leaned on the cement railing and began to strum.

"Sleepy streets and bloodied sheets

Glasses full of starlight

Sick, and sorrow, bittersweet

The shots fade into the night

Mr. Moon saw everything

Silent lies, his alibi

All at once the phantom kings

Lived their lullabies..."

He was about to start onto the chorus, but a voice interrupted him

"Shadow11's second album, "Violet", track eleven, "My Own". I think that's right?" 

Kuroko whipped around, only to see three people standing a small distance behind him. 

The one who had talked was tall, with a chiseled face and windblown black hair. He was wearing a black jacket over a light blue T-shirt with Shadow11's Youtube Icon on it- A small blue bird. 

Sitting dangerously on the rooftop's ledge was a girl with long, green hair, green eyes, and a very familiar face. She wore the same black jacket, but with a gray shirt underneath and a black skirt.

The last guy was right near him, with his black jacket's hood covering his face and the zipper zipped all the way. 

"That was really pretty, y'know. Are you the real Shadow?" The girl asked. Her voice was a lot lower than Kuroko had imagined. He didn't answer.

The guy with the Shadow11 T-Shirt laughed. "Of course that's Shadow! I would know that voice anywhere. What exactly are you doing?"

Kuroko looked down, deciding the best course of action would be to just ignore them and leave. But the moment he started walking, the guy with the hood pulled over his face grabbed his shoulder. "Don't."

"What do you want?" Kuroko whispered silently. 

"Well, originally we were gonna steal everything you owned, but now that you're Shadow, I've kinda lost interest." The Shadow fan laughed. The green haired girl just shook her head. "Geez, give everything away, why don't you? Might as well be confessing to the police."

Suddenly, she paused. "Your eyes. Pilot, look closer."

The one in the light blue shirt, presumably named Pilot, took a step forward and studied Kuroko. Then, he sighed. "He has Kumo's eyes."

"What about my eyes?" Kuroko deadpanned. The green haired girl hopped off the ledge, walking towards him. "They look lost. Sorrowful... full of emotion, yet emotionless at the same time. Just like Kumo's."

"Who's Kumo?"

"Me." The guy with the hood answered. "Midori's saying that you look like me. I'm gonna take a few guesses here. You're alone, you're depressed, and you've seen some shit. Come with us."

"You can't just ask up front like that. This isn't for everyone." The girl, Midori muttered. She looked straight at Kuroko, and Kuroko slowly began to understand who this girl might be. "Look. We're a little gang of kids who've been disowned, or who've lost their parents. Everything we do is illegal, and you'll probably be killed. But it seems that Kumo wants you to join."

"My answer is already no-" Kuroko tried to start, but he was cut off.

"Midori, he may still go to school." Pilot argued.

"I do, but-" Kuroko said. Once again, he was interrupted. 

"See?" Pilot sang. Midori groaned. "I was still in school for a while after I joined. I just met up with you guys after classes." She retorted. Pilot lit up. "Oh yeah! Shadow, come with us after school! You won't be lonely anymore!"

"We'll be here for a week. If you want to join us, come back anytime." Midori stated. "For now, I didn't just steal all this vodka for it to go unopened. Let's get out of Shadow's way."

Kumo was already gone. Midori had disappeared as well, and Pilot was just almost out of sight, waving and smiling to him.

Kuroko was confused.

It had all happened so fast.

He played through the conversation he had just had through his head many times.

In the end, his dizziness told him that thinking about it would be best left for the morning.

It was dark out.

He just hoped nothing bad would happen on his way back.


	6. Soon the Pain will End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I come home from a friend's house and poof.
> 
> Kin's come out with a new chapter for his story.
> 
> I REFUSE TO FALL BEHIIIIIIIIIIIIND
> 
> -Claire

"Everyone, take off your shirts! I need to measure your progress!" Riko declared. Following her words, the entire well, almost all the Seirin team members took off their shirts. In the beginning, the inspections had felt unnecessary, a little awkward for Kagami. But he had learned to get used to them, 'cause he was sure they wouldn't stop.

She took out her clipboard, glancing at each player, and writing down their new stats under their name.

"Hm, good improvement Hyuga... Oh, you need to do more crunches, Izuki. Your chest looks like it belongs to a first grader... Let's see..."

Izuki's jaw dropped, while the team attempted to hold in their laughter. Kagami stared down at his own chest, smiling with satisfaction. He had trained unbelievably hard, and the results showed.

"Good job, Kagami. Keep it up!" Riko encouraged. "Now, Kuroko..."

But he was gone.

Oh yeah... Kagami forgot to tell her. "He didn't come to class today. I tried texting him, but he won't text back. He's probably sick again."

Riko sighed. "Geez, isn't this his second time this year, being absent because of sickness?" She mumbled. Kagami cocked his head. "I thought it was his fourth."

"No, it was about seven. Pay attention!" Hyuga exclaimed. Izuki shook his head. "I don't remember him being absent at all."

The team exploded into discussion, each player with their own opinion on how many days their phantom had been missing. Koganei was sure it was 10. Mitobe held up one finger. Teppei argued that it was six.

Riko stared down at her hands. "Just how many days has Kuroko been gone? How many days... have we not even noticed?"

Kagami was, very, fed up with the guessing. He wanted answers.

He tugged his shirt back on, traveling over to his bag. Unzipping it, he shuffled his hand around through his things, before he finally found his phone.

He tried calling Kuroko at first, but his call wasn't returned.

Kagami was pissed at this point. And when Kagami was pissed, he began thinking. Who knew Kuroko best? Who would know the most about him? Or... who remembered the most about him?

He came to a conclusion and attempted a call.

"Taiga? What a nice surprise."

"Akashi, please hear me out. I need to ask you something."

-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-

While the rest of his team was practicing, under the temporary leadership of Mibuchi, Akash was in the locker room, on his phone with a fellow red head.

"Akashi, please hear me out. I need to ask you something." Kagami murmured.

"What is it? Make it quick, I must return to practice as soon as possible."

"Did Kuroko get sick often at Teiko?" He asked.

"During our first year, he had perfect attendance. It was towards the end of our second year, and spanning through his third year that Tetsuya began missing school because of sickness. Does that answer your question?"

"How many days?"

"I remember that he was gone for two weeks in our second year, but after that, the days would be random."

Akashi stiffened, remembering his conversation with Midorima. "Why exactly do you ask?"

He could hear Kagami shuffling his feet on the other end. "Our team's having a debate concerning Kuroko's absences. No one seems to know exactly how many days the guy's been gone."

"Could it have anything to do with his hospitalization?"

"That was just malnutrition, and he's better now, I think. Besides, there's no way Kuroko would be gone for so long just because he's a little hungry."

"... I must hang up now. Goodbye, Taiga."

"Wait-!"

With that, Akashi hung up.

He scrolled through his contacts, before reaching a certain one titled "Tetsuya".

*Ring*

*Ring*

*Ring*

"Your call has been forwarded to an automatic-"

Akashi slammed down the 'decline' button with annoyance.

He had no interest in Kuroko's life.

At least, that was the past.

But now... now that Kuroko had helped him come to his senses, Akashi came to the conclusion that he had to care.

Especially when his gut told him something was up.

And his gut was never wrong.

-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-

He was cornered. Kuroko was cornered. Familiar feelings of fear surfaced, but this time, with more intensity.

"Hey, sweetheart. You shouldn't be all alone at this time in the night." A grimy man slurred. Kuroko was shaking.

"Don't worry about me... just let me go..." Kuroko whispered. The man just laughed. "Don't be scared sweetcheeks! Let'shave some fun, 'kay? You smell so fucking good..."

The words he spoke paralyzed Kuroko. He began to hyperventilate. His heart leaped into his throat, and his forehead beaded with sweat. He dropped to the ground, hugging his knees close to his chest.

"C'mon girl... let's not be shy now..."

Kuroko shook his head. He didn't want this.

He wanted out.

He would rather die.

He would much rather die right there...

"Open up for me girly..."

"For your information, Mr. Shitbreath, girly has a dick."

It was Midori.

A small glimmer of hope fluttered in Kuroko's heart. But that hope was overpowered by fear in seconds. She would think he was gross... dirty.... bad...

The man whipped around to meet Midori's fearless green eyes. "Excuse me? You want to join in?" He growled.

"I mean, if you're into that." Midori said without wavering. She grinned. "I have a dick too. Wanna see?"

"Huh?" The man exclaimed.

"This unfortunate little guy down there..." She signaled down to her crotch."...was the reason I was kicked out of my house. See, I didn't want it. I would have much rather been born a girl. My dad, however, didn't want that. He didn't like the fact that I wanted to be a girl. My brother tried to defend me, but it didn't help. Off I went."

"I will kill you..."

"I was really pissed when I was kicked out, and even considered cutting my dick off entirely. But I decided that would be painful. So I did the bare minimum. I dressed myself in the coolest clothes, aka, black and floral skirts, and found a group of people who were accepting of me."

"What the hell do you want?" The man screeched. Midori grinned mischievously. 

"The moral of the story? Chopping off your dick is a horrible idea, that is usually accompanied with pain. On that note, let's make a deal."

Midori reached into her jacket and pulled out a knife. Kuroko's breathing quickened at the sight of the blade.

"Get away from Shadow, or say goodbye to the babymaker, you shit breathed bitch."

Now, he may have been drunk, and he may have been a horrible, disgusting person, but the man wasn't an idiot. He knew full well that the look in Midori's eyes was not the look of someone who was kidding around. Slowly and cautiously, he backed away from Kuroko. When he was out of sight, Midori sheathed her knife, and Kuroko's head cleared. He could feel his heartbeat slowing, and his breathing pattern returning to normal.

Midori's hand was extended to him. "You okay there, Shadow?" She asked. Kuroko took her hand, depending on her strength to get on his feet. He nodded.

"Thank y-you... but all y-you said... was t-that t-true?" Kuroko stuttered softly. Midori looked down, the smile fading ever so slightly.

"Yeah... but i'm a girl. Just because you know that's not true biologically, please just don't forget that i'm still a girl. Okay? Please?" 

"Yes... I won't forget." Kuroko mumbled. His respect for Midori had skyrocketed. He wanted to repay her.

"About the whole joining you thing..." Kuroko whispered. Midori's eyes sparkled with sudden interest.

"I will see you at the warehouse an hour before midnight..." His voice was still shaking with fear. Did he want this? Was he ready for the danger? Could he handle it?

He would still play basketball. He would hide this from his teammates.

Yes, that's what he would do.

"Tomorrow."


	7. But I'll See Your Face

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear people who read this story.
> 
> Newsflash! I can't write songs.
> 
> Do I try my best? Yes! Of course!
> 
> But it's still bad. Sorry if it makes your eyes bleed.
> 
> -Claire

Kuroko was simply... confused. He felt that he knew himself better than anyone. It wasn't like anyone even cared to get to know him, but that was beside the point. He knew that those feelings of worthlessness wouldn't just fade away, that they amounted to something greater, and scarier. Kuroko came to realize a long time ago that the panic attacks and flashbacks weren't just a one-time thing.

And... he was so sure that he was invisible. Alone, and very, very invisible.

Yet, when he looked all around himself and saw his new friends, he couldn't help but feel confused. What was this feeling in his chest? It wasn't like the drowning emptiness that consumed him on a daily basis. It was bubbly... and warm. His constant overloadings of anxiety had somehow been forgotten. Was it that he felt safe? Or that he felt like he belonged?

He had gone to school that day, still shaken up from his encounter with that man in the alleyway. He had attended to practice, bombarded with multiple questions concerning his whereabouts that he passed off with lies. Then he had traveled to the warehouse, shaking... and afraid. What would happen to him?

Suddenly, everything about that day had been washed away. He was at home.

"Hey, Shadow, what exactly is your name?" Midori asked.

"Um..."

"It's okay if you don't want to give us your real name. I mean, Pilot's just a nickname for me." Pilot interrupted. Midori's mouth fell open.

"What? Seriously?" She exclaimed. Pilot grinned. "Midori's not your real name either!" He countered.

Midori pouted and looked away. "It's close, though..."

Kuroko couldn't help but smile. "My name is Kuroko... just Kuroko." He answered.

Midori smiled. Pilot threw his arm around Kuroko.

Kumo's entire body went stiff.

"Well then, Kuroko! Welcome to the club!"

-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-

Dear Shinatrou,

It's Kaori here! Sorry I haven't written to you in a while.

Is Dad okay? I hope he isn't taking his anger out on you still. Please, if he keeps on yelling at you, I will come home and take it myself. It's my fault, after all.

Pilot's leg is healed! Thanks for helping him.

By the way, we have a new member of our crew. He goes by "Kuroko". I'm not sure if that's his real name, but he gave it out so easily, that it's truly a possibility. I'll need some advice when it comes to him.

Kuroko looks like a broken toy. Like someone used him, drained him of all the fun and happiness in his heart, and left him to rot. He barely smiles. It's like he's wearing an unremovable mask that, if taken off, will release so much sorrow and pain.

This may just be a load of assumptions, but I trust myself when it comes to sniffing out people in pain.

What do I do?

Thanks, brother!

\- Midorima Kaori :) 

-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-<>-

Akashi took a deep breath, melting into his chair. He was in his school's library, borrowing the computers for work that you really shouldn't do on a school computer. Sitting up straight once more, Akashi's fingers whizzed through the keys, typing in codes and going deeper into the archives of Teiko Junior High's attendance records. 

"Sei-chan, what in the world are you doing?" Mibuchi whispered from behind him.

Akashi responded with a simple "research".

Mibuchi sighed, holding up a red flip phone. "It seems Midorima-chan has been trying to get a hold of you all day. 63 missed calls, and 10 texts saying, "please call me, Akashi! This is serious!"

Akashi froze, turning around slowly. He grabbed his phone, ready to immediately call Midorima back. 

Then, as if the world wanted to see him suffer, his phone died.

Mibuchi was already walking out of the library. Akashi decided to follow. "Where are you heading to?" Akashi asked. Mibuchi pulled out his own phone, shaking his head as the screen stayed black. "The dorms. I have to charge this thing." He groaned.

Akashi nodded. "I guess I should head there as well. I must call Shinatrou back as soon as possible."

Mibuchi looked as if he was going to ask why, but he stopped himself.

The two reached the dorm that they shared, both plugging in their phones. While waiting, Akashi decided to get a jump-start on his homework. This was, after all, the only day in the week he gave his team off.

However, his focus was interrupted by music flowing into his ears. It was a soft, sweet, and excruciatingly familiar voice accompanied by guitar. Every second that passed by sent shivers down his spine.

"What are you listening to?" Akashi murmured. Mibuchi paused the video on his computer, and the music stopped. "Have you really never heard of Shadow11? He's one of the best musicians on youtube!"

Akashi moved out of his seat and towards Mibuchi's computer, playing the video from the beginning. The video was titled "Roses are Red: Shadow11 Original".

The video was simply a black background with the words "To Red..."

A single chord rang through the room. Then, the artist started to sing.

"Vanishing violets with hearts carved from blue...

A soul made of sky and eyes like the moon...

Regal red roses, their love left me chained...

Adorned with thorns but blind to the games...."

"What the hell... is this?" Akashi whispered. Mibuchi smiled. "The lyrics don't make much sense if you don't look into them properly, but that's the Shadow's style. Here, keep listening!"

"Roses are Red, Violets are blue...

Sugar more bitter, than memories of you...

I'll stay as a shadow, soon, the pain will end....

But I'll see your face....

And fall for you again..."

The song continued. It was clear to see that this was the artist's first song, but nevertheless, it left Akashi enchanted. That voice... it haunted him. It was so familiar... He wanted to know. He wanted to know who was on the other side of the screen so badly it hurt.

Suddenly, his phone rang, and Akashi was snapped back into reality. He darted away to grab it, flipping it open.

"Akashi?"

"Shinatrou, what do you need?" Akashi asked. 

"Finally you answered. 

Come to Tokyo as soon as you can.

Depending on whether she's right or not, I have information on Kuroko that could change everything."


	8. And Fall for You Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is written to portray Kuroko's spur-of-the-moment thoughts, as well as his depression and confusion about his life. So if you didn't get much that happened...  
> Great! I did my job.  
> Also, I'm sorry about all the cliffhangers that will leave you annoyed and ready to kill me.  
> Pls don't hurt me.  
> I is smol child.  
> -Claire

Kuroko woke up in an unfamiliar place. No... was it?

His vision was blurry. His thoughts were jumbled, and he held no memories of the previous night.

Or did he?

He sat up, trying to get a better grip on his surroundings. His head was pounding, and his muscles ached. As his sight cleared, the area around him molded into something more recognizable. That's right... he was on the warehouse rooftop.

But why....

"Kuroko-chan, I stole you some Advil!" It was Midori. She looked tired, with her usually straight and brushed green hair tangled and messily tied up in a bun, and obvious bags under her eyes.

"You didn't have to steal it... please, just use my money." Kuroko murmured, yet still nodding his head in thanks. "On another note... what did we do last night? Why does my head hurt so much?"

Midori sat down next to him, taking a deep breath. "First off, stop that. I know you have good income from Youtube, but we're family now. A family doesn't take from each other. And second-"

She looked at Kuroko questioningly. "Do you seriously not remember last night?"

Kuroko shook his head.  
Midori was silent for a moment, before bursting out into laughter. "Wow, okay! Let me explain to you what happened. To put it simply, you finally broke out of your emotionless little shell."

"Eh?"

"You were reluctant at first, and even scared to the point of shaking, but you were finally able to steal. You even put my knife to the shopkeep's throat after he caught you with the alcohol!"

Kuroko froze. Steal? Knife? Alcohol?

...Did he?

That wasn't right.

Kuroko was so sure that he knew himself down to ever last fiber of his being. He was afraid of blades. They brought back memories. Alcohol was out of the question! The amount of painful experiences he went through while his parents were under the influence was endless. And stealing?

That was so against his morals, Kuroko felt sick.

Unfortunately, the flashbacks from the previous night were proving her words true.

Kuroko recounted his steps. He went to practice, where the team finished with a small meeting about the upcoming training camp. Then, he went to the warehouse. Kumo had said that they were going somewhere... and he gave Kuroko a drink. Pilot handed him food from Maji Burger, and they met up with Midori near a  
convenience store. It was fuzzy from there... but he still remembered. And then afterward... he drank. Why though? What compelled him to do such a thing?

"Wait... Midori... what time is it?"

"Hm? Oh, it's 9:55 a.m."

He was missing school. Usually, Kuroko held no qualms about skipping school. But that was usually when he couldn't even bring himself to get out of bed. He had never missed school when he was feeling normal.

He tried to drag himself to his feet, almost falling back down in the process. "Sorry, Midori, but I forgot about something I must do. I'll see you later."

Midori nodded, completely unaware that Kuroko was uncomfortable. "Mhm! Come back soon!"

Passing through the lower floors of the warehouse, Kuroko could now truly see the damage they had done the night previously. Kumo was nowhere to be found, but Pilot was passed out on one of the couches, an empty bottle of something in his limp hand and bags of who-knows-what strewn all over the floor, accompanied by even more bottles.

On the first floor, Kuroko passed a mirror. It was rusty and cracked, but it still did its job.

Kuroko wished he hadn't looked.

His hair was beyond bedhead, turning into something so wild and ragged that he could barely recognize himself. He was wearing one of Pilot's large black hoodies, and it smelled strongly of alcohol and marijuana. The bags under his eyes were prominant against his pale skin, and his eyes were bloodshot.

He couldn't stop the flow of tears.

This wasn't him.

He didn't want to be that way. He didn't want to turn into the parents that made his childhood a living hell.

He wasn't like that!

No...

Who even was he?

"Leaving already?"

Kuroko turned his head to the entrance of the warehouse, only to find Kumo standing in the doorway with a can of beer in one hand. "Kumo... hello."

"You surely went wild last night. Granted, you didn't touch any of the drugs I so kindly provided, but it surely was a step in the right direction."

"Where were you this morning?" Kuroko asked, his voice cracking. Kumo noticed Kuroko's tears, and his eyes went wide for a second. "Job."

"You work?"

"Not for money. For the substances. It's the easiest way to obtain them without stealing."

Oh. So Kumo was a drug dealer. Kuroko's eyes glazed over, and his mind went blank. He didn't want to think anymore. About the night before, about drug dealers...

About his parents' murders...

"I need to be somewhere. I'll be back later." Kuroko whispered. He tried to move out of the warehouse, but Kumo didn't budge.

"Are you sure you'll be back? That's not what your expression says." Kumo growled silently. Kuroko shook his head.

"I will return. Just let me though."

Without another word, Kumo walked into the warehouse, leaving the exit free.

Kuroko stood in his spot for another minute. Then, he left.

He knew he couldn't go to school in his current state. Even if he showered and tidied up, He was sure his scent wouldn't go away.

Kuroko stopped walking to look up at the sky. If his parents could see him now, would they be proud? Finally proud that their son did something so... horrible?

No, they wouldn't care. They never did care.  
He passed a convenience store. One that he could never enter again.

The billboards of Tokyo were especially loud today.

"Next on "Covering Stars", news on the hit Youtube sensation "Shadow11"! His newest release from two days ago, "Paradise Found", has left Japan, and his fans from around the world, in complete shock. Far from his usual sorrowful lyrics, and compositions lasting over three minutes, this new song was upbeat, and a mere twenty seconds long!”

Kuroko tried to block out the noises. He had written that song when he was positive that he had found a way to forget his past. Now, he wasn’t so sure.

“Fans are speculating a huge change in the Shadow’s life, and are looking forward to what the star has in store!”

He hated to disappoint the people who listened to him, but Kuroko knew that "Paradise Found" would be the only happy song he would release for a while. Those pieces could only be written if his entire being was feeling the foreign emotion.

Now...

Kuroko felt empty.

This time, he focused on the clouds, realizing he was stranded in the middle of the bustling streets of Tokyo. All around him, people were scuffling off to their next destination, like ants in a colony. There were so many humans in the world.

Like Midori and Pilot. They were kind... but they just went down the wrong path. 

No. The ones around them forced them down that path! Or, maybe...

Suddenly, Kuroko felt worthless. He was an ant too. Simply another person on the Earth, with no true purpose.

What right did he have to feel sorry for himself? Sure, his life was much worse than the ones around him, but he had money. He had food on the table, and clothes to wear. He had friends-

Stop. That wasn't right either. He had teammates. Players who needed him on the court, but not in their lives. Hell, Akashi and the rest didn't even need him during the games. Kuroko was giving himself too much credit.

Akashi...

Kuroko continued walking, and just then, everything around him that was red seemed to pop out at him. Like.. they were mocking him. They seemed to be saying...

"He never even calls..."

"He didn't even care when you almost died last February..."

"He didn't even come to visit..."

"Would he even care if you died now?"

The training camp was coming up, but Kuroko didn't care. He knew he wouldn't be able to face his teammates after what he had done the night before. He was too afraid to go back to the warehouse. 

And Akashi?

Well, Akashi had his own life. A life free of Kuroko. A perfect life. Akashi was a perfect being, with a perfect life. And the perfect had no room for someone as rotten, as cowardly, and as messed up as himself.

He found himself in front of a hardware store, with a grocery store and a convenience store on its sides. A hardware store... they should have what he needed. 

He threw a pack of blades into his basket, as well as a pack of bolts to avoid suspicion. Using pocket change that he was sure wasn't his, he purchased the items.

Kuroko took a deep breath. What was he going to do? He probably wouldn't leave just yet. He wanted the ones around him to forget him first. Once he was forgotten...

Then, he would depart from the Earth.

A part of him, however, couldn't help but feel he was overexaggerating. Yet, his heart was empty. His eyes were blank and dead. He wanted to feel something that wasn't pain, fear, or fake, substance-induced happiness. He wanted to feel relief. Release.

Maybe, if the people he cared about remembered him after he was gone, they would finally care in return. Maybe they'd cry for him. Maybe, they would cry and then forget. 

Oh. He was crying.

Kuroko wiped away the tears and took steps outside the store. Each footstep felt heavier than the last as if the Earth was pulling him down to keep him grounded. Everything was silent. His senses were numbing, and Kuroko's will to even walk was dwindling.

"Kuro-chin?"

Kuroko froze. Slowly, he craned his neck to his left, only to find a purple giant with a bag in his mammoth hands, walking out of the convenience store.

"M-murasakibara-kun... what are you doing here?"

-<>-<>-<>\--<>-<>-<>\--<>-<>-<>\--<>-<>-<>\--<>-<>-<>\--<>-<>-<>-

Akashi had already notified his school that he wouldn't be present for a while. He knew he could, since his grades were impeccable, and of course, they allowed a week absence. Even if Rakuzan hadn't let him go, he would have left anyways.

Something really wasn't right.

-Flashback-

"You know about my sister, Midori, as she calls herself, right?" Midorima had said. Akashi nodded. "Yes... the one who is in that gang? You have mentioned her many times before."

"She informed me that someone named Kuroko joined her gang."

Akashi had simply smiled. "It cannot be Tetsuya. Tetsuya would never join a gang."

"Would he? An hour ago marks the third time that Kagami has called me because Kuroko isn't acting like himself at practice."

"Shinatrou..."

"Akashi, Kuroko has done a lot for us. What if something is wrong now? What if he is suffering from something?"

"I do believe something is wrong, however, it cannot be that serious. Kuroko has never brought up anything about his life."

"Do you even know anything about Kuroko's life?"

"...."

"No. Akashi, Midori described this Kuroko as looking like a broken toy-"

"I am going to Tokyo."

"Really?"

"Yes. I will find out what is happening."

-Flashback end-

Now, Akashi was traveling with his Father's fastest limousine driver, speeding down the roads of Japan. 

He was hyperventilating.

Why was he so scared?

Surely, nothing was wrong. This was Kuroko he was talking about. Sweet Kuroko... Innocent Kuroko...

"Seijurou-sama, you sound panicked."

"I apologize, Tomoya. Is there anything you could do to distract me from my own thoughts?"

"Of course."

I turned on the radio, and Akashi froze.

"Next, the newest release from the Youtube Celebrity Shadow11, a short piece called "Paradise Found!"

Shadow11. That singer... he gave Akashi the chills. His voice was painful to listen to. It made Akashi himself feel the pain described in the lyrics.

But this song, it felt upbeat and exciting.

"They know who I am, what I've felt, what I'm going through,

They've held my head, my hand, and my emotions too.

An oasis in a place

Where I'll never see his face.

A new color now surrounds

This new Paradise I've found."

The sound. the tone. The simplicity of the words.

It was tearing up Akashi's insides, leaving his conscience scattered across a terrain of confusion. He knew that damn voice.

He liked that voice.

He needed to know who it was.

*Ring*

Akashi picked up his phone, ignoring the song that played on the radio after Shadow's. "Oh. Hello, Atsushi. Has you and the rest of your team made it to the hotel safely?"

"Not yet-. We stopped in Tokyo- I was in a convenience store buying stuff- Kuro-chin.. Kuro-chin was coming out of another store- he was wearing all black- he looked sad and scared- I tried to talk to him, but he ran off- He wasn't buying snacks- Aka-chin, he's skipping school- I dunno what to do-"

"Calm down. What store was he leaving?"

"A hardware store I think- I dunno what he bought-"

"What did he look like?"

"His eyes were red, his under eyes were black- he looked hollow, Aka-chin- he reeked of alcohol-"

"Alcohol? Tetsuya? Are you sure this was him, Atsushi?"

"He said my name- he said, "Murasakibara-kun"- That's my name- he said it- Aka-chin... Aka-chin..."

"Atsushi, please. Calm down. Tell the rest of your team that you will be absent for the day and come to my Tokyo house. The password is *****. Wait for me there. I will be there in less than three hours. Goodbye."

Akashi ended the call and flipped his phone closed.

He didn't know what to do. Akashi Seijurou was lost for words. Kuroko... what the hell was he doing?

"Tomoya, please drive faster."

"Excuse me?"

Akashi's gaze was focused on the road ahead.

He would find out Kuroko's secrets.

And he wouldn't stop until everything was brought to light.


	9. Hiatus Notice

Sorry, this isn't an update.

Seriously. You're going to hate us after this, but please don't be too mad.

Two of our members have found themselves in the hospital in the last week, both battling their own problems.

Knowing that the ones you care for so unbelievably much could very well die at any time is not a good way to work.

Until they're out, or at least, we know that they will be able to stage a full recovery, both of CKFR's stories will be on hold.

I'm very sorry, especially for our readers who are hearing this notice for the second time.

Please pray for them :)

Love,

Claire and Rias.


End file.
